When accusing someone else it is relatively easy to identify traits that have lead to this conclusion. However, this is not the same when you’re the one being accused. Approval seeking behaviours aren’t always as obvious so consider it is as “tactically compromising”.
Unfortunately the desire to seek the approval of others can become a addictive. Over time, this makes the approval of others override your own. In the extreme examples making people unable to make simple decisions without seeking others approval first. The saddest part is that this doesn’t even benefit them the person and they can feel a lack of accomplishment and fulfilment. Not to mention confidence and self esteem. These are only a few examples of the sadness it could potentially cause. So if you are reading this post hoping to sense check whether you or a loved one are showing signs of approval seeking then keep on reading.
Agreeing to everything (even when you don’t want to)
One of the most obvious is this one where everything will get a “yes” (and not because you’re being paid to say it). Inevitably at some point we do have to say no to someone however if this hasn’t been you for some time then perhaps yo can not bare the thought of letting anyone down. This can become very challenging over time as many will become more reliant on someone that doesn’t reinforce their own personal boundaries.
The inability to say “no”
The above often leads to this unfortunately. After saying yes all the time and witnessing how happy people are, there may come a point when no is no longer an answer.
Not being able to stand up for yourself (despite poor treatment)
This can further lead to the inebility to stand up for someone to stand up for themselves. Use to being the one that makes everyone so happy the thought of someone be coming upset can be too much. This is very sad as what this actual means is someone has to stay upset in order not to upset others.
Spreading gossip for attention
This is probably one of my most disliked characteristics in approval seekers. After finding out a piece of new information they have to ensure that they are known as the first to share it, with everyone. Sometimes this can even be false information however the speed of sharing makes it dangerous. It’s really important to avoid discussing other peoples private business especially as it can be false.
Giving compliments you don’t mean
It’s not that difficult to notice someone doing this. As much as people love to believe they are being polite it’s actually quite offensive to many. Disingenuous compliments won’t get you further then arm’s length with people. It’ll leave many questioning what else you are capable of lying about.
Obsessing when someone disagrees with you
It is one thing to get that moment at 3am when you remember a clap back you should have said. This is more the continued concern around why you lost approval. This can be very disruptive and distracting mentally.
Changing Your Opinion Because Someone Disagrees
We know that in life someone is always going to disagree with your opinion. Imagine though if you changed your opinion every time that happened not because you agree but just because someone disagrees with you (and I mean instantly and noticibly). This can be really frustrating to others and result in a significant loss in credibility.
There can be many other behaviours to look out for however these are a few key ones. Ultimately everyone respects authenticy and this is not attained through seeking the approval of others. Be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below on the topic.